For Grandparents Day, Long Islanders reflect on a role that brings wisdom and joy

Raising kids doesn’t come with a manual, and neither does grandparenting.

But the wisdom and experience gained from having your own children can shape your relationship with the next generation for the better, say those who have been there.

Experts say that the years spent grandparenting can be among the best times in one’s life.

“Having strong bonds with grandkids makes older seniors more socially connected, less lonely and works their minds in ways that stave off age-related cognitive decline,” said Deborah Serani, a psychologist and professor at Adelphi University in Garden City. “Physically, being a grandparent leads to increased exercise, more outdoor activity and healthier eating habits that improve physical well-being.”

Grandparenting can also be complicated and stressful, especially if there is family conflict, Serani noted. “Not seeing a grandchild as much can heighten feelings of estrangement or loneliness,” she said. 

All of the good, bad and in between makes grandparenting an adventure. To celebrate Grandparents Day on Sunday, a few Long Island grandparents share what they’ve learned on their journeys.

Carolyn and Tony Terzulli

When Carolyn Terzulli became a grandmother at 49, she was so thrilled, “I said to God if I never have another one, I wouldn’t complain,” Terzulli said.

Little did she know she would have 14 more, plus a great-grandchild. The Freeport mother of five has grandkids living 10 minutes away. Her great-grandson is 1, and the others range from 7 to 29 years old. “I never expected to have so many,” said Terzulli, 78. “I thank God for them. They are our greatest gifts.”

She remembers her early grandparenting years. “My daughter wanted to send them to summer camp, but I kept them all day. We spent time at the beaches, parks the Long Island Children’s Museum — we never ran out of things to do,” Terzulli recalled. They went to Manhattan and visited the Museum of Ice Cream, but she was also good at finding free stuff to do, like fishing. “When you have eight kids with you at a time it can be expensive,” she said.

Instead of gifts at Christmas, the entire family takes a one-week trip in the summer. They’ve been around the globe. This summer they went to Italy and visited Rome, Tuscany and Bari, where Terzulli’s husband, Tony, grew up. “It was a trip of a lifetime. There were 25 of us,” she said.

Terzulli said she has so many wonderful memories but acknowledges that grandparenting isn’t easy. “With so many, you want to make time for all of them. But you have to balance that with how much time and energy you have. Sometimes I say no,” she said. But mostly, she’s right there. “Tomorrow we’re doing a lemonade stand.”

These days, while they still see the grands frequently, the kids have busy schedules, which is why Tony Terzulli urges new grandparents to spend as much time with them as possible when they are little.

“A lot of patience and understanding is required,” he said. “But it’s been a great blessing to see my children parent their children with love and wisdom.”

Leah and Steven Watson

The Watsons have two granddaughters under age 5 who live in Upper Marlboro, Maryland.

Though their grandchildren live far from their Uniondale home, they are close. “I don’t like driving, but l get on the road to see them at least once or twice a month for five days,” said Leah, 63, who has a son and a daughter and is retired. “My son is a mechanical engineer and his wife a nurse, so they work long, hard days. I am there for support.”

You’ll find her playing games, blowing bubbles and dancing with Yuna, 4, and Alina, 1. “I taught them how to do the fan dance,” she said, referring to the viral “Boots on the Ground” line dance. With Yuna, a day together can mean a trip to Legoland and lunch in a restaurant. “I play hard. I get exhausted, but it’s a chance to relive my experience with my children,” Watson said.

Her husband agrees.

“It’s a blessing to see a part of you extending to the next generation,” Steven Watson said. As for what he loves most about being a grandparent, “I’m proud to watch my son’s dedication to his beautiful daughters. He’s a fully engaged father in ways big and small.”

While grandparenting is about imparting lessons to the kids, grandparents learn too. “This is a different generation. They may not want to do things the way we did,” Leah Watson said. “My daughter-in-law is 100% organic, so we are mindful of that. I even found organic mints to give the kids. Our kids had televisions in their rooms, the grandchildren don’t. We didn’t regulate TV time, my son does heavily, so we don’t let the TV play all day.”

Watson said respecting your grown children’s rules is key. “You can’t think your way is the only way,” she said.

As grandparents will do, the Watsons have sometimes gone overboard in spending on the grands. To cut down on the mountain of stuff, her daughter-in-law gave Leah a grandma’s bag in which to put toys, puzzles, dolls, etc., that she purchased to take home with her and bring back. “We still treat/spoil them a bit,” Leah said with a laugh.

Steven, 64, and recently retired, said they’re exploring moving to Maryland.

Lis Dreizen and Pat Matera

Lis Dreizen didn’t anticipate the worry and frequent apprehension grandparenting would bring. “There’s a new sense of fragility and a panoply of emotion associated with loving someone with all your heart,” she said.

Dreizen, 65, recalled fretting when her two grandsons were young. “Was the baby more fussy than usual today? Could it have been from that formula? Should he be switched to a new formula?” she said. “Cue subsequent hours of scrolling all possible internet references of baby formula, including the latest medical research papers. Then there’s the how should I appropriately propose a change in formula to my daughter if I were to discover a groundbreaking answer to this dilemma.”

Those are distant memories now; grandson Weston is 11 and his brother, Wyatt, is 9. She and husband Pat Matera (their step-grandfather) have the pleasure of grandparenting daily since the boys and their mother, Olivia Dreizen Howell, moved into their Huntington home in 2022. “There is always a stack of watercolor paints and paper waiting to turn our thoughts into art. We also might take our ideas and create a script for a theatrical performance or begin to author a book that we all participate in writing,” Dreizen said. They build things, play sports. “I love doing whatever sparks their curiosity,” said Matera, 66.

He marvels at his grandsons. “Their take on life reminds me not to take everything so seriously — not everything is the end of the world,” he said. “They’ve taught me perspective, patience and the simple truth that things always change. Watching them grow has helped me grow too.”

He shares his wisdom for newbie grandparents. “Step back. Don’t panic. Enjoy it,” he advises. “Remember they aren’t your children. Let your children be parents. Offer help, advice, if wanted. If you did your job as a parent, trust the next generation to carry on.”

Patricia Morris

“I taught my three grandchildren how to play blackjack and poker before I taught them to read,” Patricia Morris, 77, of Bethpage, said with a laugh. They also watched cartoons like “Peppa Pig” and “Dora the Explorer,” went to Adventureland in Farmingdale, the beach, the Bronx Zoo and plays in Manhattan.

The grands are now ages 16 to 22, said Morris, a widow and the mother of two daughters and a son who passed away. She said she has to remind herself to stop treating the grandchildren like babies. “They loved all the hugs and kisses when they were little. They’re pretty good about it now,” she said of her showering them with affection. “I’m still Grandma.”

The bond remains strong. Her oldest grandson, Sammy, drives her where she needs to go, especially at night when she doesn’t like to drive. She takes them out to lunch, and they often gather for family dinners on the weekend. She shows up, be it a visit to college or a concert, when they need her.

“Be patient, never raise your voice to your grandkids,” she said, adding, “Praise them!”